And Never Say Goodbye: A Town of Destiny Novel Page 19

  A smile stretched his lips and he followed behind her. “How’d your case go?”

  She opened the door and yawned. “Good. I was shocked she had a perfect heart, but happy for the recipient. I was expecting it to be full of fat.” After pushing the door open, she turned on a lamp.

  “I bet. I think about that now—what you must go through, wanting to give the best organs you can, especially hearts.” He sat in the corner of the couch. “I’m sorry you went through that at all.”

  Throwing her keys onto the table, she sat in the middle of the couch, turning to face him. In a soft voice, she said, “Thanks. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through…well, and my parents. Want something to drink? Coffee?”

  “I’m good.” He took her hand into his. “Sammy lied about sleeping with me last night, McShane. I want you to know that. Made it all up.”

  She shrugged. “It’s really none of my business anymore.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Well, then how’d she know that you had all those condoms?”

  “She came over even after I told her not to. She must have seen them in my bathroom, under my sink. I was never with her. I was still upset about you and she must’ve picked up on that. Believe me?”

  She nodded. “But the other thing. That’s huge, and it hurt hearing it from her. I was embarrassed I didn’t know.”

  “I’m so sorry for that. I never shared that with her. She must’ve overheard me talking to Joe or maybe he said something. I don’t know. It’s not a secret I keep or anything, but I don’t go talking about it, either. It’s sort of humiliating.”

  Guilt filled her for believing Sammy. She leaned her head against the back cushion, looking up at him. “What happened?”

  He let out a long sigh. “She just decided one day she couldn’t handle a family. She was sort of a free bird before she met my dad, didn’t come from money like he did. He couldn’t control her, so they’d butt heads.” He paused, remembering. “I think I was about seven when she left. That morning was nice. She had made me breakfast, tickled me and even played cars with me before I had to go to school. I should have known because she hugged me longer than normal and told me to always be a good boy and a better man.”

  Holding his hand, she said, “Is that why you’ve had a hard time finding love? You didn’t want what happened to your father to happen to you?”

  “Sort of. I never set out to be like that, but I guess there’s truth there.”

  “And you never heard from her again?”

  He shook his head. “Nope. My dad finally moved on and met Becky at some charity event. She’s good for him, was good to me, good to my sister.”

  “I can see that.” She sighed, feeling the pain he must have endured for losing his mother in such a way. Not by dying, but leaving by choice. What rejection he must have felt, having lost trust in women. And then he trusts her, and she breaks it. “I’m sorry for everything, Lawson.”

  “So am I.”

  “I hate being in this position.”

  “Do you? Because it seems like it’s an easy choice for you…to choose this other life.”

  Shaking her head, she said, “It’s not. I never expected you to crash into my life.” She smiled, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

  “Do you still love him?” He looked like such a little boy right now. A little boy who needed reassurance of love.

  After looking off into the room, she slowly shook her head. “No. I love what we had back then and who he was. I have love for him, but I’m not in love with him.” She returned to look at him. “I’ve let him go.”

  “Then why is it so hard?”

  “Because I made a promise to him. You didn’t see the fear in his eyes that day, to think there was a chance he wouldn’t go on if he didn’t make it. He trusted me to keep my word, and I owe it to him.” She leaned in and laid her head against his chest, curving into his body.

  His arms folded around her, cradling her to him. “I love you so much, McShane.”

  “I know. I’m sorry for listening to rumors. I should have known better than that.” She snuggled closer, her hand rubbing his heaving chest, listening to his heart…his healthy heart where a virus didn’t live ready to snatch his life away.

  A perfect beating rhythm.

  The pace of his breath picked up, as his voice turned husky. “Are you trying to drive me insane?”

  She laughed, looking up and inhaling his throat. “I love your smell.”

  He grabbed her face and crushed his mouth to hers, their tongues battling the fire within. His hand moved down her back and cupped her behind, grinding himself against her.

  Trying to catch her own breath, she said, “Let’s have one more night together.” She pulled away and extended her hand. “Let’s go to bed.”

  “I don’t have anything…”

  She smiled and nodded. It only proved that he never planned on being with anyone else tonight. “Let’s go.”

  ***

  Mallory’s heart thundered against her chest as she fell to her side, sweat coating her skin. She held her hand to her heart to steady it, turning to face him with wide eyes.

  With his eyes closed, his chest heaving, he said, “That was incredible. You’re incredible.”

  “You bring it out of me.”

  “You’re sure you’re safe?” He turned to his side and looked down at her, rubbing a strand of her hair against his lips.

  “I know my days. I’m not due to ovulate until later next week, so we’re out of the window.”

  “I don’t know how women do it—keep track of all that stuff, know their bodies like that. It’s actually amazing.”

  She laughed. “We are amazing creatures.”

  Rolling his eyes, he said, “Some, not all.”

  Her hand reached out to touch his face already growing stubble from his earlier shave. “I wish it could be different. I hate this.”

  “I know. I hate it for you…for us.” He kissed her fingertips and gazed into her eyes. “You know I’d help you with it…the baby.”

  “I know you would, but I also know down the road you’d grow to resent it and resent us. That would kill me.”

  “Tell me about him. I want to know more about a man whose child you’ll be carrying and bringing into the world one day.”

  She shrugged. “Scott was great. Everyone loved him. Star quarterback, straight-A student.”

  He chuckled. “I don’t want to know his resume.”

  Sighing, she said, “He was good to me, brushed my hair, painted my toes, read poems to me.”

  “Ugh. Sounds disgustingly perfect.”

  She laughed. “He loved and protected me until he could, and then it was my turn.”

  “You had to take care of him. Did you know before you got married?”

  “Yes, but I never thought…I always pictured him being there forever but with someone else’s heart—a stronger heart.” She lay back against her pillow, wiping her eyes. “My mom was worried when I told her about the promise I made him. She loved Scott, but she didn’t want a hard life for me. She tried talking me out of it, but you know me…stubborn.”

  “Not stubborn—loyal, honorable, trustworthy. You’re everything my mother wasn’t, probably why I fell in love with you.” He entwined his fingers with hers, peering down into her eyes.

  “I wish I weren’t those things sometimes, then maybe…”

  “Maybe what? Then you wouldn’t be the woman for me.”

  “But now I won’t be the woman with you.”

  “I still need you in my life, Mallory.”

  “We’ll see each other at work.”

  He scoffed. “Yeah, and it’ll kill me. I don’t want anyone else. You have no idea what you’ve done to me.”

  She smirked. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to break the wolf.” She slid her leg over his, not helping herself. He was all man from his head to his toes—muscle, hair, more muscle—a mountain of strength. She nudged him wit
h her knee, stirring the wolf to come out in full glory. Her body still tingled from their last time.

  “Is that all you can think about? My heart’s bleeding, and you want to fool around.” He tried hiding his crack of a smile but failed.

  She poked his side, tickling him and loving the sound of his deep laughter. “Are you going to the office party?”

  “Probably not. Why…you?”

  Shrugging, she said, “I might. If you don’t, I’ll have to talk to Lance.”

  “I’m going.”

  She laughed. “Thought so.”

  He rolled over onto her, pressing himself against her softness. “I want you to know I’ll wait for however long it takes you to realize you’re making a mistake.” He kissed her nose. “I’ll wait if you do go through with it and be by your side in the delivery room.” He kissed her eyes. “I’ll run to the store if you need diapers.” He kissed her forehead. “You can’t shut me out completely.” He then kissed her awaiting mouth, prying it open and delving deeper.

  And it was back…the sizzling, tingling shivers coursing through her veins, but she knew she couldn’t allow him to watch her go through with it. She knew it would be cruel to force him to endure such pain, and it would be wrong. Wrong to him and to Scott.

  She wanted to do the right thing for both men—men she loved more than anything.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Mallory was seated at a table closer to the café before ordering an iced tea. She waited for Julia while enjoying the cooler temperature in July. Young mothers walked by, smiling at her while pushing their strollers. That was another thing she’d have to research—strollers, car seats, cribs, and that was even if she did get pregnant.

  Her doctor had told her she should have no problems since they’d be using more viable eggs from her younger years—something she did just in case she chickened out and waited too long—exactly what she did.

  She still hadn’t made up her mind completely, but what else could she do? It felt as if she were a pig going to the slaughterhouse. Laughing out loud, she drank her tea while assessing the other customers. That right there was a red flag if she ever had one. If carrying the baby of a dead man compared to dying in the most inhumane way, she’d better hold off.

  But she couldn’t.

  “Hi, Julia. Over here!” She waved the tall blonde, looking confused, over to the table.

  “There you are. Sorry I’m late. The traffic was horrendous.” She hung her purse over her chair and hugged Mallory before kissing her cheek. “You look beautiful.”

  She sat back down and smiled. “You’re sweet, but thank you. So do you.” Waving the waiter over, she said, “Iced tea?”

  “Wine.”

  Mallory’s heart sank for her new friend. After ordering the wine, she said, “So any news from the adoption agency?”

  “Just met with them last week and forging ahead. I’m sad yet excited.”

  She nodded, giving a small smile.

  “Have you seen my brother lately?”

  “The other day at work.” A month had passed since they made love, and it tortured her every time she saw him, knowing he was feeling the same. He’d walk past her in the halls and brush her fingers with his. He’d draw a heart on his pad of paper and show her. Julia had called and texted her a few times, so it felt good to see her face.

  “I just want to say that I think you’re crazy. There…I said it.” She sipped her wine and smirked, reaching out and covering Mallory’s hand.

  “I had my final consultation.”

  “Did you hear me?”

  She laughed. “Yes, I heard you. You’re not making this any easier.”

  “Good.”

  Wiping the condensation off the glass, she shrugged. “You weren’t there, Jules…when Scott asked me. The pain in his eyes, the fear of thinking he might not go on, and that fear was accurate. Now I can give him that gift. I’d be a hypocrite in my job if I were not to do it, right?”

  “No, honey. Those people, God rest their souls, are dead. You are very much alive.”

  “Living people give kidneys all the time.”

  “To save someone’s life.”

  With a cracked voice, she said, “This is extending Scott’s life. He gets another chance but through his child.” Her chin quivered as she tried not to cry. “He wouldn’t have asked if it didn’t mean something to him.”

  “I know, honey. I’m sorry.” She covered both Mallory’s hands, rubbing them with her thumbs. “I’m sorry for making you feel bad. I guess none of us really know what it’s like unless we’ve been there.”

  “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do besides going to both my husband’s and my parents’ funeral.”

  “Wait, your parents died? So you really are alone in all this.”

  She nodded, wiping her eyes. “I’m fine being alone, but I do wish my mom was still here to guide me.”

  “How did they die, if you don’t mind my asking?” She sipped her wine.

  Mallory looked off to the street filled with pedestrians, mostly couples holding hands, grandparents holding ice-cream cones with little ones, something she’d never see with her own parents, never gave them because she waited too long. “They died five years ago in that F3 that came through here.”

  “What? Oh, my God. What happened?”

  “It was a typical September day—humid and warm winds blowing. My parents were on their way back from a Labor Day party before the brewing storm got worse. I still lived at my rented house Scott and I had shared, but I was worried.” She asked the waiter for another tea and wine for Julia before continuing. “I remember my mom texting me they were fine, just some uprooted trees and roof shingles on the ground, but nothing to worry about and would be home any minute.

  “I was frantic when I couldn’t get ahold of her again. The power in the neighborhood got knocked out, and the sirens shrilled like demons in the night. I didn’t care. I wanted to find my parents, so I got into my car and started to drive, but the roads were blocked by flares and police…”

  Julia wiped her tears. “Your parents?”

  She nodded. “Their car had flipped, hanging them upside down from their seat belts before they got loose and crawled out. A tree branch had punctured my mother’s chest, but my dad got her out somehow.” She sniffled, remembering the story. “They crawled to a nearby ditch, the monster still roaring above them, angry they dared to escape. At least that’s how I see it in my pissed-off head.” She drank her tea and continued. “My mom died in his arms and he followed soon after, not really sure what his exact cause was, but I believe it was from a broken heart.” She stifled a sob.

  “Jesus.”

  “Yeah, Jesus. It’s not easy to talk about. I have anger for tornados, get sick whenever they start to make a slight appearance. I dream sometimes one’s coming for me to take the whole family out. Crazy, right? That’s what they do to you mentally. They take and don’t care who you are.” She cleared her throat and smiled at a little girl dancing by a nearby table, holding her father’s hand. “I still had an open-casket funeral for them, even though they got pretty mangled. They can do wonders with makeup now.” She gave a crooked smile, trying to lighten the mood, wiping her face.

  “I don’t know what to say. My brother told me you hated storms, but now I know why. You need to tell him, Mallory.”

  “Hey, you lost your mother as well. Maybe not in the same sense, but…”

  She shrugged, drinking her wine. “It’s her loss. People run when they don’t know what else to do. I guess that’s what she did when she didn’t want the life she had.” She shook Mallory’s hands. “Sometimes mothers do that when they’re desperate and hate their lives.”

  “I could never do that to a child.” She knew what her friend was trying to tell her, and it did scare her. What if she did hate her life? Hated the child for making her give so much up? How fair would that be? Even Scott’s child could bring resentment in her.

  “Do you love my
brother?”

  She smiled. “With all my heart.”

  Julia huffed. “It’s a no brainer! Forget this promise that Scott will never even know about because he’s gone. Get it?”

  “In my line of work, I have to believe in something else. I believe spirits are still with us after they die, and I believe he’s around waiting for me to give life to his child.”

  “Yeah, that’s how Lawson thinks, too. Talks about how they’re not really gone and all that, that they’re in the OR with them. Creepy if you ask me.”

  Mallory laughed. “You know I first saw you in a picture on Lawson’s desk. I was so jealous, thinking it was another woman he’d been in love with.”

  “He still has that picture up? Cripes, I always hated it, but he insisted on displaying it.” She shook her head and finished her wine. “No, he’s never been in love before as far as I know. He’s had a few crushes and high-school girlfriends, but as a man, no.” She laughed. “He’d complain they’d stay too long. He never spoke of you like that.” Her phone buzzed. “Ugh, it’s Craig asking where I am. He knows I’m ovulating and still wants to try the old-fashioned way.”

  She laughed. “That’s so sweet. I’ve heard most men get tired of all the mechanical sex.”

  “Not my husband.”

  “Reminds me. My cycle’s been wonky since taking all these vitamins. I don’t think I’ve ovulated yet and was supposed to three weeks ago.”

  “Stress can do that. I once thought I was late for my period, thinking I could be pregnant, but then turned out I just didn’t ovulate yet due to stress. Or I was ovulating when I wasn’t supposed to until later, missing our opportunity to baby dance. Crazy.”

  Fear spiked through Mallory like little pinpricks. She stared transfixed at the ground without blinking.

  “What is it, Mal?”

  Shaking her head, she smiled. “Nothing. So does Craig make things all romantic or you just go home and hop on him? Either way sounds fun.”

  “He can be romantic when he wants and usually is when we try, so we’ll see. I’m just happy he wants to at all, unlike my brother who has never wanted kids. Our mom really did a number on him.”