And Never Say Goodbye: A Town of Destiny Novel Read online

  “Frank and Craig are also on call.”

  “They don’t do the OR portions—only the medical director and us, and he’s on vacation this week.”

  “Hey, don’t make me feel guilty. This is Ellen’s idea. You’ll be fine without me.” She smiled, but the guilt tore at her. He’d be overworked and exhausted and needing the time off.

  “Yeah, I guess so. Get some rest for the both of us.”

  “I will. And thanks for the ride. Now I know what Ellen was referring to when she was about to say something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “That you had your dog to tend to. She knew how much she means to you, but you offered me a ride anyway.”

  “And that worried her?”

  “I think because she thought you were hoping to get something from me, and it wasn’t tea.”

  He leaned his hand against the doorframe, slightly bending over her. “Exactly why I was upset. She probably won’t believe I just had tea and didn’t attack you.” He hid a grin that would deepen his cleft.

  She backed away a step. “I’ll vouch for you and tell her how scared you were of the storm, and that I’m the one who manipulated you into my home so I could attack you, okay?” She gave a playful grin, wanting to explode with laughter at his expression.

  “In my dreams.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, in your dreams, buddy. I’m sure there’s plenty of girls who’d love to not only attack you but run around in your dreams, like Little Red Riding Hood being chased...”

  “Don’t say it, McShane. Just don’t,” he said, his eyes glinting with humor. His face only inches from hers as he leaned down.

  She pushed at his chest. “Go get your dog already.”

  “Fine, but I’m still right.”

  “About what?”

  “That deep down you’re scared of the rumors, you’re scared of me being this monstrous animal that not only procures hearts…but eats them.” He stared into her eyes before turning to leave.

  Her heart pounded in her chest. Was he right? Did she really want to believe the worst about him, making it easy for her to keep a distance? It was something she didn’t want to consider of herself. Her mother used to always teach her not to judge a person by their past or to believe gossip, but there were too many women. Women with broken hearts or, in his own words, eaten hearts.

  And it wasn’t that she was afraid of him. No, that wasn’t it. Not at all.

  But it wasn’t her business. Why should she care what Gallagher did after work? Whom he slept with, whom he shared intimate moments with, or tickled with his facial hair?

  Nope, not her business.

  Then why when she carried his mug to the sink did she look back at the table to remember him there as before, laughing and seeming so…kind. Or when she thought of his concern for his dog?

  She shrugged and climbed the stairs, not thinking about the hurt in his eyes when he thought she believed those stupid rumors.

  Nope, not on her mind at all.

  Chapter Four

  Lawson focused on the lymph nodes, making sure not to cut into them, when his phone text song Cold as Ice rang. His song for McShane, when she had earned her nickname Ice. He drew his brows together, wondering why she was texting him. Must be important.

  He spoke through his mask, still concentrated on the patient. “Leslie, can you open my phone and read the text to me, please?”

  “Yes, Lawson.” She grabbed it, and he gave her the password. “It says McShane. She says not sure if you’re in the OR, but I just had this crazy dream and wanted to be sure you’re okay. Sorry to bother you if you are.” The nurse’s brows raised in amusement over her mask.

  The OR erupted in snickers. Lawson glanced at the rest of the team chuckling beneath their masks. He cleared his throat and gave them a hard look, bringing silence to the sterile room. Mark, the anesthesiologist, shook his head, trying to hold laughter in, coughing to keep from bursting.

  After the room quieted down, he said, “Can you text her back and say I am in surgery, and will call her as soon as I’m done, please?” He returned to his patient, but feeling more distracted. His concentration was usually sharper. That had to be a first. Never has anyone besides work called to check on him, not even the women he casually dated. And a first from McShane. She had a dream? About him? He didn’t quite know how to handle that. Definitely aroused his curiosity.

  “You okay, Lawson?” the older nurse asked, wiping the moisture around his eyes with a cloth.

  “Yes…fine.” But he wasn’t. He was normally a master at blocking thoughts out, remaining stone cold during surgery, earning his name Wolf due to his intense focus, almost predatory, on his patients. Why that affected him he had no clue, especially after their visit yesterday. She clearly had issues with his reputation, so why the concern now?

  He cleared his throat a couple of times to generate more attention, bringing the worried nurse by his side to check on him. He had worked with Leslie many times and knew more about her disabled husband and three children than his own family. Loved when he’d get her because they worked well together. It was when the younger shift of nurses came on that trouble started.

  When he finally finished an hour later, he walked out of the OR suite and tore his gown, gloves, and mask off, scrubbing his hands in the sink, and walking to a private room to use his phone.

  “McShane? Sorry if it’s late, but I’m calling you back.” His heart pounded in his chest.

  “I feel so stupid, Gallagher. This dream was crazy, but I’m okay now. I’m glad you’re fine. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t driving. This job…well, you know. Sorry for interrupting OR. I hate when that happens to me,” she said, winded from exhaling those words out. “Please ignore this. I regretted it as soon as I sent it. I need to get back to work. This one day off has been agonizing.”

  He smiled, pulling his cap off. “Agonizing, huh? I always did know you were a little strange, McShane, but it’s nice to know someone’s dreaming about me.”

  “Oh, shut up!” She laughed and hung up.

  “Sweet dreams.” He hung up and chuckled, returning to retrieve the packed cooler and get back to the office. Liver and lungs were in great shape, perfect enough for the screaming doctor impatiently waiting for his patient’s organs. Some doctors were great, and some needed to trust in the process more.

  He had a lot of paperwork to fill out and then would go home. David should have been here to finish the case off, but he got sick last minute. Sure he did. They always do. He hoped they wouldn’t lose another good nurse, but this job was a lot harder than they anticipated. They needed to work more independently than be under the thumb of a strict nursing manager.

  A deep voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “Hey, Wolf! Join us for some drinks at Coco Pazzo’s? Tracy’s going,” Brian, another one of the transplant team members, said. The guy was either working, at a bar, or in someone’s wife’s bed. “I’m sure those sore arms could use a nice female massage, among other things.”

  “Mmmm, no thanks. Going straight to bed,” Lawson said.

  “Right, straight to bed…alone?”

  “Actually yes, this time alone…to get some real sleep. Tell Tracy another time.”

  ***

  It was a good thing Lawson was tall or the sun would be blazing in his face, even with the visor down. As he turned into his driveway, he sat back against the seat and closed his eyes with a heavy sigh. He made it. Sometimes he swore angels guided him home every time.

  His eyes burned with the need for sleep. When he rubbed them, flashes of light burst in them along with a pounding headache. He wished they would force him to take time off like McShane. Then again, what would he do with himself? Sleep is what he’d do.

  Before he opened the door, he inspected the area to see if anyone was out yet. It was already 9:00, having been held hostage by doing quality assurance, or QA hell, and paperwork. And more work than usual because of tissue being donated to the eye ba
nk. He really needed a massage.

  He loved this neighborhood since he bought his house five years ago. The neighbors were friendly, especially some of the single women who liked stopping over to bring him a meal or to talk, usually ending up in his bed. But when he was this tired, he wanted no part of that, would even be annoyed when a woman threw herself at him when he was that exhausted. He only wanted sleep. Sleep was his true lady.

  After glancing at his text from McShane for the tenth time and grinning like it was a love note, he opened the door and dragged himself out. Needed to feed Sadie. She probably left him presents all over the house, as usual. He walked up the steps, his bag over his sore shoulder, bending to pick up the strewn advertisement.

  “Good morning, Lawson. Late case?” Mrs. Katz said in her highest voice possible, scratching his brain.

  “Morning, Mrs. Katz. Yep, another late case. Going to bed,” he said with a lopsided smile, saluting her.

  “Good. You look bone tired! When are you gonna call Katie? She keeps asking.” Mrs. Katz stood wearing a white terry robe and dyed red hair pulled back in a bun, and not a sexy McShane bun, and her hands on her rounded hips, waiting for an answer.

  Hanging his head with a sigh, he said, “Please apologize for me. I’ve been so busy. I promise I will when I get the chance,” he said, knowing damn well he’d never call her. He disappeared into his house, not waiting to hear her response. Her daughter was about fifteen years younger and looking to have babies—not his thing. At thirty-eight, that deal was done and closed.

  Sadie rolled over from her back and jumped up to greet him.

  “How’s my girl? Did you make messes?” He sniffed and gave a side grin, shaking his head—her head and tail hanging low. “I know, girl. I was gone long this time. Let’s go clean it up.”

  After dumping the mess into the toilet, he scooped hard dog food into her bowl as he fought to keep his heavy-lidded eyes open. She barked and snapped him awake, bending to feed her. He poured boiled water from the Keurig into a mug and added an instant coffee bag, anything to stay awake. He then let Sadie out and sat at the kitchen table, opening up his dreaded laptop.

  Referral after referral flashed on the board for potential donors. Since he didn’t prepare the cases or talk to the families anymore like the requestors did, he knew he had some time to catch up on sleep. He needed McShane to get back to work. He’d wait for the page when consent had been given, paperwork filled out, and the case was a go. Until then, it was dreamland time.

  It was times like these that he was happy not to have a wife nagging him or kids pawing at him for his attention. He shook his head. Just couldn’t handle that. All he had to worry about was Sadie and which woman he’d like to take out or bring home…and say goodbye to. It really was a sweet life. Perfect for him. No one to worry over.

  He chuckled again about McShane texting him, wondering what she was doing today all alone in her big old house. Someone was actually concerned about him. A grin spread his lips. Definitely not used to that kind of attention from a female other than his baby sister. Would have been irked if one of his female companions had done that, but not McShane for some reason.

  But his job was hard enough, much less put someone else through that. A wife who’d be alone most of the time because he was either working or sleeping. And he liked his freedom and not needing to touch base with anyone—the reason he felt confused earlier with his reaction to McShane’s text. Stuff like that would normally irritate him.

  Sure, she was a beautiful woman, but she was still not his type. He liked doing the leading, and she definitely liked to lead. Too independent for him. He wouldn’t allow himself to go there…he couldn’t. McShane? Hell no. It would be like dating a man. Well, not exactly a man. Remembering how her wild hair blew around her face during the storm, he grinned. Definitely not a man. She also was scared of storms. Not so tough after all.

  Closing his laptop after staring at the referrals, he trudged upstairs and collapsed in his bed, still wearing his scrubs. Nothing ever felt this good.

  ***

  A horrifying sound knifed through his brain. His pager. The thing he wanted to throw into Lake Michigan, fling off the Willis Tower, or just whip into a fire. Maybe it was McShane dreaming of him again. Sadie barked at him to get up and let her out. He peeked at the clock and read 4:15. He’d been home since 9:00, so that wasn’t a bad sleep. More of a coma, so he’d feel the effects for days, never really catching up.

  “Need to go out, girl? Come on. Let me get my phone,” he said, ruffling her golden fur. He opened to his work app and saw a case pending, a ten-year-old girl who was hit by a car on her bike. “Damn,” he whispered. He hated those, even though he didn’t have kids. Anything with children. He saw how unfair life could be.

  He let Sadie out, still trying to wake up. Sleep just never seemed to refresh him anymore. Sometimes he felt worse than when he had no sleep at all. Always in a zombie state, and this week would be the worst. No McShane to lend a hand.

  After feeding her, he took a fast shower, shaved, and put on a fresh pair of scrubs. He still didn’t know why he wore them to the hospitals since he’d have to change into their scrubs anyway. They just wouldn’t be sterile anymore.

  Lawson sat on his already made bed to put his shoes and socks on. He knew he was not cut out for marriage and kids with what he saw in his daily life at work. Too many families destroyed by the death of a loved one. It was easier to just go through life alone, not attached to anyone.

  Again, he wondered if McShane was doing okay by herself for so long. As she had said herself, she was married to her job. Maybe she was losing her mind. And maybe he would stop over there after this case and check on her. Just maybe.

  ***

  Lawson strode down the corridor of Glen Oaks Hospital in his scrubs, ready for anything. It was already midnight. The family gave consent after a struggle, but he understood. This was their child. After being in the room with the broken-hearted family, the sister begging to let her little sister stay longer and Lawson working his magic while holding in the tears, she finally let go.

  His usual routine consisted of having each family member say something about the departed, bow their heads and hold hands if they wanted. This was something he did privately and didn’t share with the rest of the world, least not Hope of Life. It was sacred and didn’t want a pat on the back. Not for this.

  He turned to the girl with the braids and freckles, bending down to her. “You know, you don’t have to say goodbye to Jenna. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

  The girl sniffled and knotted her brows in confusion. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, since Jenna will be helping others by sharing her organs, she’ll still be in this world, maybe running through a boy who couldn’t run before because of his heart condition.” He felt the parents’ eyes on him, but continued to stare into the girl’s growing wisdom.

  She laughed. “A boy? She’d love that! Always said she ran faster than boys, right Mom?” she said, looking up at her mother’s weak smile and nod.

  He smiled. “See? Now she can.” He patted her hands.

  When he stood, she crept over to the bed and spoke to her sister. “Did you hear that, Jenna? You’re gonna help a boy run fast!”

  The mother turned to Lawson. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “No…thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I know nothing can replace your daughter, but I hope it helps to know she’ll go on.”

  Her eyes roamed to her lifeless daughter whose head was wrapped and the size of a melon, scrapes and bruising on her otherwise pink face, an endotracheal tube sticking out of her mouth, and an NG tube hanging out of her nose. “Can we meet the family?”

  “There’s a possibility, but it’s a process. I’ll talk to you more later, if you’d like.”

  She returned a vacant stare to him and smiled. “I’d like that.”

  The father shook his hand and hugged his wife before saying their goodbyes and leav
ing their child to be taken to the OR. The transplant team rushed around and wheeled the girl out of the room as Lawson followed.

  ***

  When he got into his truck, he pounded the dashboard and wiped his eyes. This was why he didn’t want children. These types of cases were the hardest of them all. Young life snuffed out before their time. And he was always extra tender with the children in his ORs, gently touching them, putting lotion on them to make them smell nice, sending them what love he could give. They were someone’s child, and he wanted to honor that.

  How could he tell the mother that sometimes the recipient denied meetings due to not knowing how to thank them? How could you thank someone who lost their loved one but saved another? It was impossible, but some found the strength. He’d love for that girl to meet the boy her sister’s heart was going to.

  After having his moment in the truck, he ran back inside to get his cooler. As he finished up, he prepared the cooler and tried to get out fast. It was too late to stop over at McShane’s, but at least he would try to call. Her dreaming of him stayed on his mind all day, almost helped him get through this tough case.

  A woman’s voice yelled out. “Wolf! You better be going for drinks tonight,” Tracy said, suggesting more than just drinks with her well-endowed chest thrust out at him.

  She was a pretty, dark-haired nurse on the trauma unit that he had slept with a few times, but she always seemed to want more, knowing he was unavailable to give that. He was a challenge to her, which made him more desirable, not something he was aiming for. Tina was the same way. They were all the same—all wanting something from him he wasn’t willing to share.

  “Hey, Trace. Sorry, but need to get to the office and then home to my dog. I’ll call you this week,” he said, slinging his computer bag over his shoulder.

  Tracy pouted like she usually did if he said no, which didn’t happen often. He enjoyed her company, usually. “Fine, but you owe me, Wolf. I had a dream about you last night and want to share it. Call me,” she said and sauntered away.